not here to help, only to observe and pass judgment

Mary Tyler Moore called me yesterday. No, not that Mary Tyler Moore, the other Mary Tyler Moore. During our conversation she asked, “Are you happier today than you were a year ago?” If I had to make a list of things I was thankful for this year I would have to start the list with “my new job.”

Things I Am Thankful For, 2006

1. My New Job: I have a new job that does not make me nearly as miserable as the old one and it pays a whole lot better. Set aside any ‘benefit’ of teaching at a Lutheran School – the parents in public school are much less neurotic, mean, or vindictive.

2. My New Car: I do not like making payments. I fret at any scratch, ding or inflected imperfection but I enjoy all the new features, fuel economy, and reliability.

3. Six hours or $60 each way on Southwest: Roughly the travel numbers between here and Jeremy’s house.

4. Fourteen hours or $50 each way on Southwest: Roughly the travel numbers between here and Emily’s house.

5. Twin Mac Books: Whether Chaos Bean is aware of this or not, we got our parents a sparkling white Mac Book for their anniversary this last year as well as a wireless hub. I have the matte black Mac Book. This allows us to keep in touch with our parents during our recent Diaspora. Steve Jobs, in his infinite wisdom, saw fit to equip these with iSight video-conferencing, which allows me to speak to my parents, face to face, whenever I need to. It also got my parents out of the dark ages – they had been using a first edition iMac or as I like to call it Macosaurus Rex. They still have it, I think it is holding a trick door open.

6. Foo Fighters: I got to see the Foo Fighters in concert, again. Sure, sure – Casey got to meet them but I am not cool like Casey.

7. Graduate Education – I have a Master of Arts in Education. Sometimes I even amaze myself.

8. Go Team: I was able to travel back to Nebraska and help with my alma mater’s Debate Tournament, briefly giving me the illusion of usefulness. It is always good to see Renea and receive her guidance on everything from brining chickens to managing a classroom.

9. Pit Bulls love food, pit bulls love me, but I am not food: So far, Red and Chance love me as much as they love food but have not made me into a snack. The less I weigh the less chance I have of being eaten by them. Chance has learned how to use the ice dispenser on our freezer door.

10. I have my own Suburban Island: I am out of the ghetto and have my own Suburban Island that I share with LR.

I was taking a nap Sunday to recover from a bug I had picked up from one of the kids when my phone rang. Imagine my dismay upon answering my cell phone and it was someone calling me to encourage me to vote for Ned Lamont. I disagree with Ned Lamont so strongly that I felt it was incumbent upon me to keep this person on the cell phone as long as possible to prevent them from persuading someone who might still be undecided.

This clown from the Lamont campaign told me, Joe Lieberman is in George W. Bush’s pocket.

I said: That is ridiculous!

He agreed.

I went on: That is just absurd! There is no way that Joe Lieberman could fit in George W. Bush’s pocket! He is much too big!

Then they tried to explain to me that he was using a figure of speech, a metaphor – although I am pretty sure that it was a colloquialism and it was certainly idiomatic.

Then I decided that someone being that tiny was a good thing – there are many benefits to having a tiny Senator and I suggested that it was a good thing for Connecticut to have a tiny Senator.

Again, he tried to convince me that he was not saying that Senator Lieberman could fit into George W. Bush’s pocket to which I replied: I guess I agree with you then. He must be that small. What is he anyway, Senator for ants? If He wants to represent Connecticut in this man’s Senate he needs to be at least three times that size. How is supposed to vote if he can’t even get inside?

Then, the jerk hung up. I am not voting for that Lamont clown if that is how they are going to talk to me.

I am a firm supporter of Joe Lieberman, as is Chaos Bean. Chaos Bean rightly points out that Lieberman is a fantastic Senator even if he would have been a terrible Vice-President. We hold in full confidence that Dick Cheney would defend our nation against any enemy (real or imagined). He shot his own best (maybe only) friend in the face. What would he do to someone he did not like? I feel that any area where Chaos Bean and I agree are areas where everyone can agree.

I told this story to a co-worker who didn't believe me, she didn't think I was capable of this - I knew you would believe me. You know what I am capable of.